Real Struggles and Goals With Encouragement (Not a Formula)
I feel like my inbox has been full of New Year’s Resolutions and Goals for the New Year emails. I have to admit that I haven’t even opened most of them because it is so overwhelming in some ways. I’m not one to write down resolutions which is probably good and bad. I know that my goals this year is to have a new year new me. I want to be a better wife and mom and to create more memories with my kids in the everyday.
I don’t think anyone can give us the magic formula to accomplish our goals for the year because every family and every person is different. I want to share my heart and what I saw last year and would like to see happen/change in my life this year but that doesn’t mean it will work for you. I am hoping that you can be encouraged by knowing that there is another mom that might have similar struggles as you and similar goals as you do.
I think sometimes we hold ourselves to such a high standard as a moms that we set our goals out of reach. There seem to be women that can do it all and have it all and we are all held to that standard. But God made each of us different, we are not all going to be a size 2 or have children that obey all the time or have the perfect marriage. Our lives are not going to look like the movies do (don’t get me wrong I love a good Hallmark movie but I know it isn’t real). It is impossible to compare ourselves to others because we don’t know all the behind the scenes. We only show people our best most of the time. So a lot of times we are comparing our difficult times to someones’ best times and that isn’t fair to us.
We need to hold ourselves to God’s standards and try to be the best mom and wife we can be through His strength. That does not mean we are going to be perfect and that does not mean that we are not going to struggle.
This last year has been a struggle for me. I feel like I have failed as a mom on more than one occasion. I have become a mom who yells and is angry and has a temper a lot of the time and that is definitely not the mom I want to be. I also know that I have failed on the wife front because I have fought with and tried to control my husband as opposed to supporting him and respecting him and being his help meet. I also have struggled personally this last year with not doing quiet time regularly and gaining weight.
I want to change a lot this year but I want to change because I know that who I am right now is not who I want to be. I don’t want to change because some celebrity or some blog I follow tells me to but because it is important to me.
I know that was a lot but hopefully you are still with me as I share some things that I do want to work on.
New Year New Me
I want to work on myself. I want to work on my anger and not yell so much or fight with my husband so much. I have been reading a book called Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley and it is really good so far. I want to finish that book and there are others that I really want to work on reading that I might tell you about later if they are good. I also want to have a consistent quiet time which isn’t always easy because that means I have to get up earlier and I definitely like my sleep but this is really important to me.
I also want to work on losing weight which means eating healthier and hopefully finding some time for working out. However I don’t want that to be my focus. It is extremely important to take care of yourself as a Mom so that you can give to your husband and kids but it can also take over your life. If I am going to workout I can have my kids join with me. If I am going to have a healthy snack my kids can have it with me and I will be teaching them healthy habits.
I want my focus to be on spending time with my kids and being there for my husband. So many things can get in the way of that and I want to get rid of those things in my life more this year. I can allow the TV, Pinterest, Facebook and so many other things to get in the way of me making my family a priority and I want that to change. I don’t want to look back and wish that I would have spent more time with my kids or my husband.
New Year New Mom
There are times like right now as I write this that my kids are all playing together in the other room and I love those times. I love to listen to them and love how they are together. I want this year to be a year where they learn to be best friends with each other, talk kindly (mom hasn’t been the best example so that needs to change first), share and love each other.
This year I want to work with them and be an example for them on how to treat each other. I want to give them opportunities to serve each other and the family. I want to start having them do chores which of course doesn’t mean much for the one and two year old but I know that my five year old could do a lot to help me and she would love to do it.
I read this article the other day and it really convicted me. There are so many times that my kids ask to help me with something like laundry or dishes or cooking and I say no mom just needs to do it. How sad on my part because I am missing out on time with my kids to create memories and time to train them like God calls me to do. In the article it says, “Training a child in the way he should go involves taking a child by the hand and allowing him to be a part of your productive life.” I want to work this year on allowing my kids to learn through doing with me so that I can train them even if it takes longer and isn’t the way that I would have exactly done it. I want my kids to learn to grow up to serve others and to one day have families of their own that they can do these things because I trained them.
New Year New Wife
This year I want to be a better wife, one that shows respect to my husband and is his help meet not someone that fights against him. I have some books that I want to read this year that will hopefully help me in this area. One book that I have been working on is called the Respect Dare by: Nina Roesner and so far it has been really good and challenging. One of the things in the book that I read that really stood out to me is, “Respectful communication often means not becoming emotional and arguing.”(pg.24). As women we can often become emotional easily and that is something that I need to work on. I want my husband to feel respected by me so I need to work on it.
I want to be the person that my husband wants to share things with and confide in. I want my husband to feel protected my me and safe with me. I want our house to be a haven for him to come home to after working so hard for us each and every day.
One of the main things (complaints) that my husband hates is the way that I say things. A lot of times when I am talking I say things with a tone which isn’t correct on my part. I want to work on how I talk not only to my kids but to my husband as well. These are the people that God has given me to do life with and I want them to feel like they are most important to me not people that I talk down to.
Another area that I need to work on is allowing my husband the chance to lead. So often I just talk over and take charge and tell him what to do instead of allowing him to lead. I also can fight my point to the bitter end instead of allowing him to make the decision. My husband said something to me once and it made sense but I go through times when I forget it He said, “When you say something once you are giving your opinion, but when you continually say you it you are pushing your opinion onto me.” I need to bite my tongue more and allow my husband to lead because I know that he is more than capable to do it.
New Year New Me
Wow! Now that I have written this all out apparently I do have quite a bit that I would like to work on this year. The only way that I am going to be able to accomplish any of it though is with God’s help and with a desire to do it. If I continue to desire to be a better person, a better mom and a better wife than I can do it but if I stop desiring that than I won’t be able to accomplish it.
So I hope that I have been able to provide some encouragement for you so that you know you are not alone and I hope that you might be able to use some of the resources that have helped me to help you as well.
New Year New Me here I come! Watch out 2018 I’m on a mission!
Until next time, keep creating memories with your kids!